Thank you all for your wonderful advice and sympathy. The input we got from you and other friends has helped us to make the difficult decision to just let her learn to cry it out. I really didn't want to have to, but she has chased us into a corner and now it seems we have no choice. I simply cannot do a consistent life of nights like the one we had two nights ago. So last night we tried what Cherith suggested. She woke up four times last night, cried 15 minutes for the first two and then went to sleep after I checked on her, I fed her for the third time since I do think that she still needs a nighttime feeding if she wakes up after 8 hours or so. She's still crying from the latest wakeup.
I'm still interested in your struggles and success stories, so keep the comments coming! I love hearing from you- it's so encouraging to know that I'm not alone.
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5 comments:
Good morning EB - Hopefully this might be the beginning of some sleeping nights for you. Eventually Carolyn will figure it out. Hopefully she will learn to go longer than 8 hours too. Keep us all posted. Love, kath
Oh, EB. How I sympathize with you! Helping that first child learn to sleep through the night is something I vividly remember. It hurts your heart so dramatically when you sense that she is uncomfortable or unhappy. You just want to make it all better fo her. But I'm sure you know, this is just the beginning of parenthood!! There will be so many times when you will have to do difficult things because you love her enough to do what is best for her.
Once Carolyn learns that she can comfort and soothe herself, she will be a happier and more well-rested baby. And she will have happier, more well-rested parents!!
With that said, let me tell you a couple of things I found to be helpful. Kelsey was a pacifier baby, and she would often wake wanting a pacifier. We solved that by putting a bunch in her crib. We put 1 on each side of her and 1 in each of the corners of her crib. In no time at all, she learned to find one by herself! That was a lifesaver. Eventually, we were able to "wean" her back down to just 1 or 2 in the crib, but for a while, it was a "pacifier party" each night!
Another thing that was helpful to us was Richard Ferber's method. He is famous for a kind of regimented way to let a child "cry it out." I don't necessarily agree with everything he suggests and I never followed his regiment to the letter, but he has some very good ideas. First and foremost, he says we should always put a baby to bed awake! That way they learn to put themselves to sleep. He also recommends a gradual approach to the "crying it out" philosophy. I wasn't able to handle the "cold turkey" approach, and this was a more compassionate way to deal with it for me. Check out these 2 links for a little background info. You won't understand the method fully, but you'll get the gist. If you're interested, you can find tons more on the web (or in his book). In fact, 20/20 did a show on his approach a few years ago.
http://www.pregnancyweekly.com:80/pregnancy_information/ferber_method.htm
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/7755.html
I modified the Ferber method to fit my needs, but it worked for both Kelsey and Cade (and for tons of my friends!)
Good luck, sweet girl!! Now I just wish there was a blog I could go to for advice with 14-year-old girls. They still cry when they don't get exactly what they want!!!
EB:
We will be praying for you. Since I am not a parent, I have no sage advice to offer, but I can pray that the Lord gives you strength and wisdom. Just think, He wants the best for Carolyn even more than you, so He will give you wisdom "liberally" (James 1:5)!
TO get you through the "waiting her out" periods, you can always just strap on the ipod and crank up the Jingle Bells.
Love to you all.
Just wanted you to know...that I posted down on the orginal....Amy
ebi,
i checked in with a team member of mine, sarah (pediatric occupational therapist), at kindering center -our resident sleep expert, by profession AND motherly experience :) she helps lots of parents of infants/toddlers with sleep issues! her's her response to my email asking for advice... i asked her to forward her whole sleep in-service handout along, too for upcoming developmental stages.
love,
c*
Hey Chandra,
I just checked out her blog and it looks like someone gave her the Ferber advice that I would have suggested, - I think I felt kind of funny jumping on her blog - so I'll just tell you - it does sound behavioral which unfortunately makes a parent feel like it's their fault for loving on their child. But the modified Ferber will definitely work - biggest thing is whatever you do be consistent! I cut and pasted from my sleep inservice handout if you want to pass it along:
Months 5-12
Major sleep problems at this age develop because of the inability of parents to stop reinforcing bad sleep habits.
Healthy Action Plan:
1. Control the wake-up time
2. Short interval of wakefulness before first nap
3. Consistent soothe-to-sleep method for all naps at 9am and 1pm
4. No snoozing during wakefulness
5. Variable third nap, parent is the judge
6. Early Bedtime Time varies between 6 and 8 pm
7. No more than two feedings at night up to nine months of age, unless child co-sleeps and is breastfeeding and this is not considered a problem by the parent.
Protest Crying Method
1.Often still accompanied by a soothing routine first
2.Consistency helps your baby learn rapidly.
3.You are responding sensitively to your child's need to sleep by NOT providing too much attention.
4.Your child will pick up on your calm/firm attitude and will learn quickly not to expect the pleasure of your company at nap/bedtime time. You are not abandoning your child in his moment of need; you are giving him all the attention he needs when is awake. He needs to be alone to sleep.
5.It will go best if baby is on a regular sleep schedule prior to crying it out. You want them to be showing a maturity in their sleep cycles.
6.If a baby is premature, wait until at least 4 months after expected due date to cry it out.
7.For naps: Don't let your child cry for more than an hour for naps. If they do, get them up and try again later.
8.For nighttime: Crying is unlimited, learning to fall asleep unassisted take place. When you put a time limit on how much protest crying at night you can tolerate before rescuing baby you teach baby to cry to that time limit.
Helpful Hint: When your child is crying and she is not hungry, say to yourself: "My baby is crying because she loves me so much she wants my
company, but she needs to sleep. I know the value of good sleep, and I love my baby so much that I am going to let her sleep."
5-8 months: May wake-up to feed and go right back to sleep 1 to 2 times a night. Choose the 1 or 2 times you'll go to feed your baby and change diapers and don't go at any other times.
And the books I like
The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley -Great for parents who have a lot of patience and will do better with fading then protest crying.
-Great tip for fading sucking to sleep called Pantley's Gentle Removal Plan:
Once sucking slows, break seal and gently remove pacifier or breast, baby will probably startle, try to gently hold mouth closed with finger under chin or just under lip. May have to return pacifier or breast and repeat removal process many times until eventually falling asleep; continue to fadetime until baby falls asleep, not sucking to sleep.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth, M.D. - Lots of information on healthy sleep habits, temperaments of baby and which methods might work best, gives lots of information on several different methods including ignoring, partial ignoring check and console, fading, co-sleeping, nighttime fears. Lots of anecdotes and practical points.
Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber - Lots of information on what normal sleep should be like, teaches extinction and graduated extinction with exact waiting times for crying it out. Dr. Ferber has relaxed his position recently and is now hesitating to recommend his method to parents with children with high separation anxiety. Also provides a lot of information on bedwetting, night terrors, etc.
Hope that helps
-Sarah
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